PDA

So I previously gave this blogging malarky a go and tried to write about things I like etc but I just found that the general consensus was that it was erring slightly on the boring side and no one actually read it. So in my efforts to become a small local celeb I have decided (with some encouragement from friends) to blog about my views and opinions on the world.


Just to warn you if you don't know me, I hate a lot of things and most people think I'm being agg but I'm actually not, I just don't continually walk around pretending that my life is amaze thinking I'm so fucking big time. 


Anyway, I would like to introduce to you, a small selection of opinions of PDA. That is; public displays of affection. This was brought to my attention today in a conversation with my friend, who for the purpose of this exercise I will not name because we were discussing how most of the male species are C U Next Tuesday's (soz, but you are).


First of all, I would like to clarify that I am more than happy being single because it actually means I can go out at the weekends and not have to worry about my morals if I meet an absolute minx. But is escalator kissing reallllllly necessary? Ok we get it, you're stationary for approximately 30 seconds on a moving metal staircase with hand rails that have probably been touched by about 4000 E-Coli ridden children, and you can't keep your hands off each other for that half a minute, but it just cringes me out more than my life. And it's always so convenient that the girl is of slightly lower height than the guy and is on the step in front and they look longingly into each others eyes, discussing whether or not they should head to DFS to get a sofa that will still be on sale in 3 months time in between this nasty display of public affection.


Also, swimming pool kissing. I don't really need to expand on it other than it's really inappropriate. Just looking at them I run the risk of getting AIDs or worse, pregnant. And there's always the questionable leg wrapping which genuinely makes me want to vom. Thinking about it is making me pull a face of disgust, bleurgh can just vision two wet faces in a pool, so tez.


I will also briefly discuss general hand-holding and other kissing scenarios. Holding hands is fine, a casual stroll down the street, a brisk walk along a grassy knoll, a romantic roam along a beach. But when an obstacle approaches, just let go for a second. You can rejoin your grasp after, it's not an ish. Just please do not go out of your way to avoid said obstacle and go round it the same side as your partner. Also, holding hands across a table is a big no-no in my books, it surely can't be that difficult to eat a meal on your own... do you actually need moral support to put food on a fork and put the fork in your mouth and then chew that food? Please refrain. Queue kissing qualms me quite immensely. I don't understand why when you're waiting to buy a dress or at the cash point or any other small queue for that matter, that couples need to kiss each other. Negative, stop.


If anyone else has any other large PDA's that they would like to share, please let me know. I will add this on to my growing list of things that annoy me. Or even better, if you see someone participating in the above activities, point them in the direction of this blog so they can see for themselves what hideous creatures they are.